i used to like girls… a lot.
The airplanes were imperfect from the start; damaged before they left our hands by the flaws we accidentally gave them. Their wings were slightly dented, their lines slightly crooked. They were the best and worst of us. And not all of them made it. Some crashed swiftly to the ground and never found the poetry of perfect movement. Others never fell from grace and found a solid landing, slowly, artfully, and with purpose. But they all had a chance. One by one they took flight, twisting, turning, swooping down. As they flew, we felt it; that second—brief but perfect—where happiness somehow seemed possible. And as they landed, we knew it couldn’t last—because we were sad.
woke up on a wet pillow…
kewl
I need my jawline back.
:(
Rebecca Ferguson announces debut single! Yipeee!
Rebecca is excited to announce the release of her debut single ‘Nothings Real But Love’ on November 27th!
Rebecca says “I’ve loved writing and recording the album throughout this year so I’m really excited for everyone to hear it! I feel like I’ve learnt a lot about myself going through the writing process, putting my experiences on paper and into the tracks. - It’s a record I’m really proud of.”
Trains and people
I am turning 23 by the time this year ends- I find myself overworked, underpaid, alcoholic and unhealthy; living in a share apartment- thinking where should I place my next tattoo. Quite far from the life I envisioned when I was younger. That by this time; I should just be enjoying the pleasures of life and cheating on work. Hedonism. Having a terrific sex life on the side. A fulfilled soul and body. It’s been a hell-of-a-month. I call it “Shit-tember”. The story is nothing new. Think of all those badly written pop songs- then you get the view. What we all want is something basic, something simple. But more often than not, we look for it in complicated people. Quite a paradox, as I think I’ve just described what everyone wants. I am amazed at how much peace of mind you can get from cleaning your apartment’s bathroom, putting away trash, folding clothes, fixing your bed- even clipping your nails. You get so focused on it. Just you and the bathroom stains or the creases of the sheets. A tranquil moment; neither reliving the past nor thinking of what-if’s. As I’ve read somewhere, we 20-ish adults set too many deadlines for ourselves. “I will conquer Sagada, Batanes, Palawan, Spratly’s Islands THIS YEAR.” “I shall go backpacking to Quezon and camp in the pristine, virgin beaches.” “I’ll make love to you, like you want me to…” “By 25, I should be making my first film.”; “By 27, I should have made my first million.”; “By 30, I should have my dream house, dream car, dream sex life”. Blah. Blah. Blah. But plans- as I’ve learned, are suggestive. I even think it’s a welcome invitation to the universe saying: “Hey, I’ve arranged my plan. Come mess it up- as you’ve always done!”. But there are times when the unplanned happens. I call them friends. Strangers one minute, then the magic happens. I love my friends. Time and again they remind me of who I am. It’s like an imprint, a memory of yourself implanted on someone else. No, they don’t give me answers to life’s precious questions but they help me get there, with or without the answers. Think of old, long lost friends. It’s always a joy to reconnect with these people whom you’ve been with at some fraction of a time in your years of existence. Laughing at the same jokes, sharing the same stories. Connecting with your souls. I compare each of our lives to trains; at varying speeds throughout life. “Catching up” on separate tracks. I never developed the fear of being alone. I quite enjoy it. And though I miss having another person to share my stories with. It just feels good to have that swagger back, to have ME back. My destination? I think I’m okay to cruise for a while. Watching the view. Seeing people ride and get off at their stations. I will know when I should get off, and right now- it’s okay for me not to know. This October marks the first year my father passed away. The pain still stings at times. When I think about it, a lot has changed from the past year. Though we never show it- I still feel the twinge of adjustment our family is dealing with. But we are getting there. I am always looking forward to sitting at our kitchen table, in the house I grew up in, and eating a home-cooked breakfast. That’s when I know I’m home. I’m at peace. Quothe the raven, “Nevermore”
Alone in transit. It’s not so bad. Solitude was never something I feared and I’ve always tended to take to it very naturally. And though I often miss having another person as a repository for my thoughts at the end of the day, it feels good to have Me back. Just me, traveling solo, with a small carry-on of questions that I may or may not find the answers to.
Where am I going? Right now, it’s okay not to know.
- not me
National Kabit Day
